I am impressed. Yes I know I didn’t lose anything but I was so afraid I’d jump back up to the 200 mark. This just means I am below and on the good side going down.
I have to ask a question to all the spouses of the people losing weight. If I could even just get one or two answers maybe I could understand something. So here’s the question…
Are you afraid, either thinking about it or not, that if your spouse loses the weight and becomes healthy and happy that things between you will change?
Reason I am asking, this past weekend Jim and I were chatting (really arguing about dumb stuff too) and again for the 10th time at least he said “I loved you when you were heavier”. He has yet said he’s proud of the weight loss, he won’t discuss any part of it really (occasional he’ll say my clothes are to big or something like that). I have the up-coming 5K and I would so love his support but nothing. Now I just don’t understand so thought if I could have a bit of insight from a few different people just maybe it would help me understand and know just what to say. I would never in a million years go any where, leave him or anything like that. I’ve been married for 30 years, I’m happy. I have told him this and I have told him I’m losing the weight to be healthier, to have longevity in my life. But something is up and figured since this is the most recent change I’d start here.
Okay, it’s onward and upwards from here. I have given this weekend to the Lord, I am not going to dwell on the has-beens when I can’t change them anyways. Just see if I can help the what if’s if I need to.
Thank you for letting me sorta vent and question things.
I’m not changing my ways now, I’ve come to far and I want to see this challenge to the end, another 17 lbs to go. I want to be the healthier me, I want to be the prettier me, I want to just enjoy and I want Jim to understand and be part of it all.
Take care everyone and please if you’re spouse is losing the weight don’t worry, they aren’t doing it to hurt you…it’s to help them be better for you. God Bless you all!!
12 comments:
I was never in your situation but, this is not about you.... Your hubby's insecurity is coming out.. he probably thinks someone might catch your eye? Lady, just reassure him, that HE is the ONLY ONE!. My ex bf was always thinking I would want to move on because I usually can strike up an innocent convo, w/no intention, I am just being me... I would guess that u have been married for some time, so your hubby's insecurity should not be as strong...He should know regardless of weight u have lost or not lost.
Well, seeing as how I have so much wisdom in the spouse department... :)
I agree that your husband is probably just insecure. I think a lot of people change when they lose weight and maybe he's worried that you're going to change, or that you won't love him as much...
I'll bet after some time passes and he sees that you're not going anywhere, he'll come around...
In the mean time though, I'm sure it's hard to feel like you don't have his support. You have ours though! We'll keep cheering you on!
I know that Jim thinks you're looking better and hotter! ;) He's probably worried about the other men eying you happily now!!! :D
My idea (childish though it may seem) is to buy him a present and go out with him alone on a few regular dates. :) :) Leave him little cards to tell him you want to be better for him. Bring out the movie romance! The Irish man can't keep hiding it all!
p.s. just a question. Is your exercise routine making you spend your together time working out alone? He probably misses that.
You are having such great success - Yayyyy! But I am so sorry your hubby is having a hard time with it.
Change is hard on any relationship, so while I have not been in your shoes I would guess that maybe he is worried that things will change. You are different now than the wife he has had for 30 years and he may be wondering what his new role is (if there is one), he might think you have expectations for him, you never know but I hope you two can get it talked about and ironed out!
Keep up the good work!
Does he need to lose weight and is not ready to? maybe that makes him feel bad?
I am the one losing weight--well,I'm sure I'll get back on track soon...anyway, hubby doesn't really comment either way but that's probably because he never knows what my reaction to his comment might be so---better safe than sorry...LOL I have a friend who lost all of hers and her hubby has not been one bit supportive..she simply stayed the course and lost the weight. She is trying to bring him along with the healthier lifestyle but he wants no part of it. I'm not really sure why the support is not there but I'm thinking the comments are him being insecure are pretty close to being it. Anyway, I will remember you in my prayers- perhaps enlightenment is in the near future! Sorry if I rambled here...I tend to do that.
Is it possible that he is insecure? Could it be that he is afraid that a thinner, more attractive you might leave him for someone more handsome than he thinks he is? Men, as a general rule, are not good communicators, so getting him to talk about this might be tough.
I asked my spouse and he says, "No, I'm not worried about change because I know it is coming. When I was heavier we would have discussions about not wanting to have sex because of my own problems with my body image and then when I lost weight my sex drive came back. He also added that we conditioned ourselves to be couch potatoes and then when I started moving more the WHOLE family started moving more and we changed again. He says when one person changes it effects everyone around them, but it is what it is, everything changes, so you adjust.
I think changes can be scary and maybe your husband just needs some reassurance that you still love him and aren't going anywhere after losing the weight. I love it when my husband will work out with me. It makes it so much more fun!
I have a husband something like yours. I can remember the day we were married he said, "I don't give compliments so don't expect them." Well, that was only part of the story. He does give compliments, just not to me. One day when we were having an argument he said, "so go off and be a famous singer!" (I am a singer, but it's pretty much confined to church.) I was shocked by his statement because I had no idea that people telling me I have a nice singing voice was such a threat to him. So I don't look to him for validation because I know he won't (or can't) give it. But like your husband, he does things; loads the wood stove, makes sure our son checks out the car before I go on a long trip - stuff like that. It really is true, "happiness in not about getting things you want, but about want and appreciating the things you have. I do appreciate a warm house and a smooth running car. :)
Hugs,
Mary
I once had a boyfriend who didn't like the fact that I lost weight. He wanted me heavier so that other men wouldn't look at me which they started to do. A@@!
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