Wednesday, June 15, 2011

So it’s time for help…any kind…

Words, prayers, thoughts, ideas….anything cuz you see right now our life is in a turmoil in a couple different directions and even though I know the Lord has plans I am sure he’s not wanting me to just sit on my butt and do nothing about it so I’m going to type it out here and just see what happens.

There are two things happening in our lives right now that need advisement on. First Mike hates working for his grandfather and dad. Working in a family business is hard for all. It’s not just the younger one being younger and not having everything it takes to be the best employee. It’s not just the older one expecting that because the son can do it the grandson can too. And it’s not the middle man, the father/son trying to keep peace and teach his son the steps needed to learn a business and trying to keep a father that’s getting older, forgetful and angry that everyone has to start some where’s. It’s hard from them all and since the youngest is my son and seeing him in such turmoil it’s just hard not trying to make it all better. I however do not get involved with the family business. I am not part of that, haven’t been asked to be and don’t care to be right now. 3 generations and all male…no thank you. I don’t understand why the grandfather can’t be happy one of his grandchildren want to be near him, work for him. I can’t understand the father not sticking up for his son when he sees the verbal abuse the grandson gets. I can’t understand the grandson just not keeping his mouth shut and trying to learn. I can only look at this as an outsider really. I’m the wife, mama, daughter-in-law but I can’t fix this and I can’t make them all happy. It’s hard to see the discontentment. Mike has decided to quit and find something else but you and I know there isn’t much out there to be had plus it’s going to hurt his dad’s feelings because I know in the long run Jim wanted Mike to be his partner in the business when Cecil is gone. IT’S HARD for everyone but it hurts the mama to see all this anguish every day.


I think I have come at a cross roads in my business too. I LOVE DAYCARE!!!! I LOVE IT!!! But I can’t handle the drama of not knowing if I can make it anymore. I can’t imagine being without my kids but the families I have are having issues and are not coming or supporting me like they should if they want me to stay here. Now I understand your own family comes first. I know that and when someone’s not working you keep your kid/kids home. I know that everyone needs time off to do those things that make you happy. I UNDERSTAND these things. But when you know that the person that takes care of your kids makes a living by taking care of your kids then where’s the respect? How am I to make a living (cuz I live one paycheck to the next, the same as them)? It’s hard, I don’t want to quit this, I’ve been taking care of the same kids since they were born. They are part of me too. But what am I to do? Is it time to look for something else and say good bye? Or do I hold my breath and hope that things work out. I’ve been doing that for a very long time. Do I want to call the school and bus garage and apply? Are they hiring with all the other unemployed people? Do I fill out the applications but know in my heart that if I could just get a family that would be here all the time without the drama, the worries of quitting that I’d not take the job? I WANT TO KEEP MY KIDS, I WANT TO KEEP MY DAYCARE!!! I just can’t do it moneywise.

So there, it’s out there and I need advice. It’s not as easy as just quitting and moving on. It’s not as easy as staying put and hoping things work out. I just don’t know.

I didn’t plan on this post, but when I’ve needed help you’ve had some great ideas, wonderful prayer support and moral support. I’m just a bit lost today.

If you read this twice cuz I’m posting it on both my blogs I’m sorry. I just needed to share. I’m feeling a bit down and alone and even though I have family and friend support I think I’m hoping that someone else is going through or been there, done that and might have an idea or two. If nothing else please pray that I can except the Lords will and figure out what that is and go with the flow.

Thanks for reading, thanks for all your support. Blessings to you all!!


gracies tough journey said...

My prayers are being sent to you dear friend. God will see you through/ Gracie

Angela said...

This is really hard, but I totally understand. I don't know how it works everywhere, but at the day-care I worked at and where I am now, you pay for your spot regardless of if you come. This is standard most places. You pay x amount per week and you can come 5(or 7 depending on what is offered) days or 0 - but you still pay. Daycares have bills too!! After a year of being with the center most centers offer a week off without having to pay. I think you should talk to the families and maybe set up a min amount they have to pay regardless of how many days they come. It only seems fair. You could use that spot for a family who would be there everyday and paying the full price instead of holding it for free for someoen who isn't coming. Maybe I am being harsh, and maybe its different where you are, but I would hope that if you talked to the families they would be willing to work with you, especially since they have been with yu so long and you are always so wonderful with the kids. From what I can tell it would be a huge loss for those families to lose you as their caregiver. You can't ask for more than someone who watches your kids and loves them like their own. I pray you find a solution that fits everyone and makes everyone happy. But no matter what you have to put your families needs first. You need to make money to keep the house or you can't keep the kids! :-D

Kalei's Best Friend said...

As far as the family biz, well, I think the reason no one speaks up because no one wants to hurt the eldest patriarch of the family... The eldest patriarch doesn't realize that even tho he thinks he is doing good by keeping the family biz going, he is assuming everyone wants it too.. The men in your family need to man-up and say something... Your son should not be forced into doing something he has no desire for... If it helps, have them all write their feelings down and give it to the patriarch of the family.. Seeing the written word makes an impact also it helps the writer... Its great therapy.. believe me it works.. I am not saying that the problem gets resolved, but the issue is the one who is in turmoil.. they need to have a clear head.. Julie, if u don't like what u are doing, do something... Write that letter and send it to all in your day care.. Even preface the letter in the "I" context.. then it seems less pointing of the finger... Using I, takes the onus off of them... its less damaging and blaming...

Michele said...

Hi, Julie,
Tough situations all around. I empathize with both of the dilemmas: yours and Mike’s. Day care is a tough field for all the reasons that you stated. Family businesses are also tough for many of the reasons and challenges you wrote about.

You know I am an educator. Have either of you thought about going back to school to develop other skills and or knowledge?? You might consider early childhood kinds of programs since you love day care. I know you read Shane’s blog. Did you know that he went back to school? He first got an AA than on to a BA, now on to law school in the fall. Just a thought. Michele

Ms. Scooter Butt said...

I am queen of the chaotic pathways and not one to be giving advice. I think though that it is mostly an inner battle and inside one really knows what they can handle and therefore what course to go.
Best wishes for you though.

As I see your blog button, I feel akin to the dandelion puff. A wind comes by and there is some flying around, but soon enough it hits ground and starts over and looking so beautifully yellow. They are so strong them dandelions!

Shawn said...

Oh Julie,
You have your hands full.My girls work for their father so I know a little about the chaos in a family business. The thing I always tell my girls..the grass is not greener elsewhere and even though their dad is hard to work for, they still have it easy with schedules.
Life is hard and no job is perfect.

As for your business, I agree with having a set weekly fee. If the kids show up great, if not you are still paid. You have to take care of yourself and count on the income!

debkhershberger said...

Julie, Prayers for you and your family!! Life is tough! Decisions hard! Especially when it come deciding your future!! Scarey, but deep down exciting too! Deb
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

JW said...

Julie, just getting it "out there" will produce answers, it truly will. Take a deep breathe... now another.... still the mind.... Trust Life. Answer is always in the stillness, not in the rattling of our minds. I know you will find your way through this. (((hugs)))

Karen said...

First of all, Julie, you look GREAT in your June 2011 picture!
About the problem of your daycare-sometimes I think God wants us to make a move in a new direction in pure faith that He is in charge and will guide and provide. My son told me recently that I have to decide if God is a part of MY story or if I am a part of HIS.
Praying that you will have wisdom and clarity on both of these issues. *hugs*k

Amber said...

Sending a prayer your way. I hope that you find resolve to your daycare troubles.

I have spent many years of my life caring for other's children and it can tear your heart out, one way or another. I hope that everything works out.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I'm so sorry all this is happening at once. I worked in daycare for a while but not on my own. I worked for someone else. It was never easy and always unpredictable. I hope everything works out the way you want it to. I'm sorry about the issues with Mike and the family business. It sounds like it is much too stressful and environment for a young man. Maybe some distance is needed. I wish you all the best. Hugs.

Beginning Anew said...

Sorry I missed this yesterday - boy does this sound familiar except I am one of two daughters (who are useless on the farm according to male rhetoric) and one brother born 9 years after me who can do no wrong and has been worshipped by my father since day one. Not exactly the same but the point I wanted to make - egads - those family idios passed down from generation to generation - you can fight em but you can't win. My dad couldn't stand my grandfather butting in on him after he started caring for the farm, my brother can't stand my dad butting in on him now that he is taking care of the farm. My sister and I sit on the sidelines and say - oh thats nice that brother can supplement his income by using the farm for his good and dad as free labor that he doesn't even appreciate...wish we had that opportunity - oh well.

If you got involved, you would probably regret it. You are wise to let the men work it out. I know it must have been difficult for your son. Life is full of trouble but watch for the miracle of things working out in a way you never expected!

as for the daycare. All the daycares around here have policies about that to prevent folks from waffling - you might want to establish new policies and see if any soldiers are left standing when the smoke clears ;)